Mom’s Viewpoint: Here comes the family

When my son, Jay, told me he was gay, he seemed like a deer in the headlights waiting for a reason to bolt from the family.  I asked Jay if I could tell his father, sister and Nan (my mom). Jay agreed.  Frankly, I didn’t know how they would react and I didn’t want Jay to be hurt.  I think I was more afraid of Jay leaving and not seeing him again than any family feelings; I was prepared to fight if needed.

I told Ken, mom and my grandmother, and they all had the same reaction — Jay is my son, grandson etc. I love him, nothing has changed.  When I told Jay’s sister, she said the same thing, except she didn’t want to tell her children, who are all under 11 years of age.  She felt they were too young to understand.  She also was concerned if Jay brought a partner how he would act in front of the children.  Understand I raised both my children with values and how to behave in public, I was not concerned.  My daughter would not make out with her husband on my couch and I knew neither would Jay, whether he was with a girl or boy.  I still don’t understand the belief that people have that if you’re gay, lesbian or transgender then you’re a pervert or have no values or morals.

As the years went on, the two older children would ask Jay when he was going to get married.  Jay would not say anything.  Finally one day Jay told his sister that he was tired of lying and if she did not tell her children, he would not come around them.  Shortly after that my daughter and son-in-law were coming to Salt Lake. My son-in-law said to their children matter-of-factly; “Jay is gay, quit asking him when he’s getting married.”  Later my daughter sat them down and as best she could explained that Jay liked boys.

Over the years, I have been stern with my older grandchildren, when they use words that are not acceptable and hurtful.  We strive to have a home that is accepting.  We make mistakes, but it’s not because Jay is gay.  It’s from not knowing.  One time we were celebrating a birthday by going to breakfast with the immediate family.  A cute young man came in with his mom and sat down to order breakfast. He was dressed quite feminine. I whispered to Jay, “He is cute.” Jay said to me; “If I wanted to date a younger woman, I would.” Oh!

One thing I have learned as a mom over the years is my interest in a man for both my son and daughter is completely off.  Even to this day, I know a lot of really cute, nice, young men that I think would be perfect for Jay.  I think that is why he doesn’t like to go with me to LGBT socials.  I want to introduce him to my friends. I’m a mom and I love grandchildren and want more.

Children are children, whether they are straight, gay, lesbian, transgender; parent’s opinions are low when it comes to picking clothes or partners for their children.  They have to create their own relationships, good, bad, or disastrous.  We did and were our parents excited about our choices at first?  I am waiting for the day when Jay brings home a partner that he is ready to give his heart to and create a relationship with.

I would love to hear your stories.  Email me at: Leesa@LeesaMyers.com.