We have a wonderful friend whom we know from our time living in Los Angeles. To say Carol is the greatest is really a gross understatement. She’s generous, sweet and kind. She also thinks we’re the best parents in the world. And never misses an opportunity to tell us.
Carol’s also an avid reader of this column, and over the past few months has told me she’s seen a change in its tone. She says it’s become more serious. Maybe she’s right, but I think it’s become more cranky. And that’s certainly not my intent.
So with a nod to my dear friend, Carol, I present to you the Top Ten Reasons Gay Men Make the Best Dads.
10. Body noises are funny! Yeah, it’s immature. Sure, it can be a little gross. But man, are body noises funny. Whereas a traditional family is more likely to discourage them — and we certainly do not encourage them —when they happen, it’s OK to burst out laughing … so long as you excuse yourself first, of course.
9. Halloween isn’t just a holiday, it’s an adventure! Let’s face it, Halloween wouldn’t even be a big deal if it weren’t for gay people. Halloween in the Castro? In West Hollywood? These events made the holiday. So when you’ve got a couple of gay dads in charge, you’re guaranteed the coolest costume and the best time. One year we dressed Gus up as Liberace! Hearing a 3-year-old dressed in a white tux and a bedazzled cape say “I Liberace” got guffaws of laughter — and extra candy.
8. You’re going to know how to cook when you’ve got two gay dads. Our kids know how to make homemade pasta from scratch. Enough said.
7. Sports are encouraged. No, we don’t live vicariously through our kids, but the only time the television is allowed on during dinner is when the Utes play football.
6. We don’t take you to the circus; we take you to Cirque Du Soleil! Live performances are a part of everyday life when you’ve got two dads.
5. Christmas explodes in gay households! Excess in decorations is the name of the game. We had five trees, counting the little one in Niko’s room, more than a half dozen wreaths, and a 60-plus army of nutcrackers.
4. You’re always the best-dressed kid in school. OK, so our kids wear uniforms to school, but it’s not unusual to see them sporting slacks and polo shirts just when they’re out and about.
3. Gay dads are all the rage. Hardly a kid they meet doesn’t think it’s totally cool they have two dads. All the girls just think it’s adorable — trust me, when they become straight teenagers, the boys are so going to take advantage of that.
2. It instills confidence. Take it from me; it takes a lot of self confidence to be an openly gay dad in Salt Lake. That confidence rubs off.
And the number one reason gay men make the best dads:
We’re really nothing more than taller, heavier and hairier little boys. Gay guys just know how to have fun. Some ideas kids come up with are viewed as ridiculous by too many people. We find it brilliant! It’s how Kelly and I end up playing “Who’s the Bravest” by walking out onto frozen creeks. And honestly, being a couple of big kids is what makes being a dad so much fun.
Writing this top-ten list reminded me of yet another reason I love and adore Carol so much — she always reminds me why I dig being a dad.