CONCERTS

Decades ago the Violent Femmes were as fabulous as roller skates and clove cigarettes. Now, as old as they may be, the confusion could be that I’m referring to Chelle and Donna, the adjunct owners of Club Try-Angles, although Chelle was dubbed even many more years earlier, the “Scar Warrior.” Look out for those manhole covers. Hmmm, what a play on words. Other than full body-tattooed closeted gay Middle Americans with Donald Trump bumper stickers adhered to dented, rusted and askewed Chevy bumpers, the Femmes are looking to be deservingly relevant again. Sorry Middle America homos but you sexy betches definitely are in the best position.

Awarded with 12 Grammy Awards, although that is 120 times fewer than Michael Aaron’s rendezvouses in his hot tub, Paul Simon will grace the Utah stage tonight. While both are dubbed winners in their fields, I would surmise Michael has the most roadies … that is  roadside assistance. Good job Petunia!!

2Monday — Violent Femmes

The Depot, 400 South Temple, 8pm. Tickets $36/Adv-$40/Day of show, smithstix.com

22Sunday — Paul Simon

Maverik Center, 3200 Decker Lake Dr, WVC, 7pm. Tickets $64.50-144.50, maverikcenter.com
DANCE

RAW Moves brings a renowned children’s picture book to like in “Imagine a Day.” Written by poet Sarah L. Thomson and illustrated by Surrealist painter Robert Gonsalves, this enchanting tale is clearly “magical!”

Enjoy Ballet West’s annual event of world premiere, cutting-edge performances. This year includes a full company work by renowned choreographer Jessica Lang. Oh, the horror!!

3Tuesday — Imagine A Day

Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 6:30pm. Tickets $7, artsaltlake.org

20Thursday — Innovations

Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, times vary, through May 28. Tickets $49.50, artsaltlake.org
MOVIES

A stunning cast: Susan Sarandon, Rose Byrne, J.K. Simmons and Jason Ritter (okay, mostly because he’s my younger doppleganger!) work their magic in this flick about starting over after your eggs are drier than Fran Drescher’s hairdo! Don’t worry J.K., your eggs are as smooth and silky as your head … huh!

27Friday — The Meddler

Theaters and times vary, through … depends on how good it is. Tickets $6.75-9.25
SPECIAL ENGAGEMENTS

Warning: You may end up as fluid as the paint strokes in all the fabulous artwork at tonight’s event. Handcrafted beer by eight participating local breweries will leave your vision as abstract as some of the paintings and sculptures. Enjoy!

27Friday — UMOCA Art + Beer Fluid Art

Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 W. Temple, 6-9pm. Tickets $35, artsaltlake.org
THEATRE

It’s much more than a delicious sandwich. This musical makes it’s U.S. premiere on the Pioneer Theatre stage this month. Did you watch Prison Break? This is similar … let’s just hope the lead hottie didn’t get pudgy. I wonder what that did to his body tattoo!??!

6Friday — The Count of Monte Cristo

Pioneer Theatre Company, 300 S. 1400 East, UofU, times vary, through May 21. Tickets $21-49, pioneertheatrecompany.org
UPCOMING EVENTS

June 3, The Cure, Maverik Center, smithstix.com

June 3, Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, Saltair, smithstix.com

June 29, Janet Jackson, Vivint Smart Home Arena, smithstix.com

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